


A Fresh Start

by turbo_denali



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Depression, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2439032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turbo_denali/pseuds/turbo_denali
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all go through dark times - some more than others. After recovering from her final encounter with Zaheer, Korra must come to terms with herself and learn that not all healing is physical.  [Spoilers through the end of Book 3, originally written before release of Book 4].</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Fresh Start

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Korra and the rest of the Avatar franchise are not mine. 'Nuff said.
> 
> WARNING: This fic contains spoilers for seasons 1-3 and includes some bits from Book 4 that have already been hinted at. Additionally, readers will encounter some dark elements (portrayal of symptoms of PTSD, including severe depression and anxiety). The overall theme, however, is hopeful. We all go through difficult times - some more than others - but it's important to never let the darkness swallow the light.

Wind bounced off of the cold waters of Yue Bay and danced through the only open window on Air Temple Island. Korra reveled in its chilly embrace, closing her eyes and inhaling the crisp scent of winter. Despite having spent most of the past year in Republic City, Korra still often felt like a foreigner. The cold was a welcome reminder of home and she found a sort of calm and comfort in it.

"Korra?"

Korra opened her eyes to see Asami standing in the doorway, wrapped in a heavy coat that fell past her knees. No one else ever seemed to enjoy the cold as much as she did - except perhaps Naga, of course. She opened her mouth to say something before realizing she had nothing to say. She fought with herself for a moment before giving herself a mental shake. "Hey, Asami," she said. "I thought you weren't going to be here until this afternoon."

A look of concern flitted over the engineer's face before disappearing behind a sad smile. "It's already mid-afternoon," she said.

"Oh."

Asami shut the door behind her and moved to sit on the bed next to her wheelchair. "I was afraid I'd woken you up." She leaned back against the headboard and curled her legs underneath her. She considered Korra's appearance for a moment, noting no change in the dark rings under the younger woman's eyes. "How did your session go with Katara?"

Korra shook her head. "She still says there's no sign of permanent damage. She says I'll recover."

"Well, at least you don't need the wheelchair any more."

"Who told you that?" Korra asked.

Asami smiled at her friend and reached out to grab her hand. "Katara. I ran into her on my way in," she admitted. "She told me that you walked across the room without any help. It's just a matter of building up your strength at this point."

"Yeah."

Korra let her gaze drift back to the window and Asami followed her gaze. Several minutes of silence passed between the two. Both of them had grown used to these gaps and neither felt the need to search for something to say in order to fill them. It had become something of a ritual for the two of them to sit together like this. Asami never pushed her to say anything and Korra appreciated it. Nearly everyone else seemed to demand conversation - for her to talk about what happened - and that was something she wasn't quite eager to do. She needed this quietness. Korra avoided leaving her room in the two months since returning to Air Temple Island, emerging only when necessary.

A sigh escaped her. An unexpected sense of restlessness swept through her, but she could not bring herself to move. Instead, Korra closed her eyes again and imagined walking out of her room. She imagined heat racing down her arms as she used her firebending to burn the wheel chair. She imagined stepping out into the hallway and using her airbending to avoid being trampled by Tenzin's younger children. She imagined following that hallway out to a patio, where she could use her earthbending to stop a chi blocker…

Wait. No. There weren't supposed to be chi blockers in this daydream. And Amon's shadow wasn't supposed to be looming over her. Korra tried to wipe the image from her mind and found both the chi blocker and Amon replaced by Zaheer. She imagined using her waterbending to pull water from the nearby pond and freeze Zaheer in a block of ice. He grinned at her and somehow managed to continue walking towards her. She heard his words echoing in her head. The avatar cycle will end with you, Korra.

Korra's eyes flew open and she gasped for air. An invisible vice gripped her chest, making it difficult to breathe. Her hands flew to her head as tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. "No!" she rasped.

"Korra?"

"No!" she repeated. "No, not right now."

Asami recognized the tremor in Korra's voice and let muscle memory take over. She pulled Korra from her wheelchair, guided her over to the bed, and gathered her in her arms. "Shh. It's okay, Korra. Just breathe with me," she murmured into her hair.

Korra fought the buzzing in her head and tried to concentrate on Asami's breath on her neck and the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but the tension eventually began to subside and she let herself relax and sink into the warm body pressed against her back.

"Sorry about that," Korra whispered. The arms around her tightened.

"Don't apologize," came the reply. "I'm here for you."

/

Four days passed without another "incident." That was the word Tenzin often used. Incident. Korra snorted. She preferred to think of it as "freaking the fuck out." Still, no matter what it was called, four days was pretty good. In fact, she had even managed to convince herself to put on her old clothes. The garments felt heavy and almost too warm compared to the simple linen pants and shirt she's been wearing, but they weren't at all uncomfortable. She discovered a sense of strength and vitality in the simple act of discarding the linen and pulling on furs that marked her as Water Tribe. Asami arrived just as she was tucking her pants into her boots and the approval written on her face told Korra all she needed to know.

Korra smiled from her perch in her window and listened to Asami talk about the new line of airships that would start rolling off the Future Industries production line within the next year. An almost imperceptible contentment began to creep up on her. She felt surprisingly well-rested and composed. She felt so relaxed that she wasn't even startled when she heard Bolin shout her name.

"Korra! Oh man, look at you!" the earthbender crowed as he entered the room. That earned him a glare from his brother. Bolin grinned sheepishly and gestured apologetically. "Sorry."

"What he means to say is that you look like you're doing better. Anyway, we got you something on our way up to the island," said Mako.

Bolin handed Korra a paper bag. "Dumplings!" he announced in a sing-song voice. He leaned in to whisper conspiratorially, "They're meat dumplings. Don't tell Tenzin!"

That brought a slight smile to her face and she took the bag from him. "Thanks." Korra set the bag on the table in front of her. She looked up at the semi-circle of friends that had formed around her. Her small, plain room suddenly felt crowded.

Asami noted the look on her face and squeezed her shoulder. "Hey, I'm gonna head back to town. I need to swing by the office tonight to take care of some paper work," she said.

Korra rolled her eyes. "Oh, sure," she said sarcastically. "Leave me here with these two. I see how it is."

The unexpected humor in her voice was infectious and Asami found herself smiling back. "Well, if you insist… See you in the morning?"

"That's okay. I know you have that meeting to prepare for. You can leave me alone for more than a few hours, you know. I won't break," Korra promised.

Asami nodded and turned to go. She paused in the doorway and looked back over her shoulder. "If you need anything, give me a call."

Korra gave a mock salute. "Yes ma'am, Miss Sato."

Mako watched the exchange with curiosity while Bolin busied himself with emptying the bag of dumplings onto a small plate. It took the firebender a moment to recognize the tone in Korra's voice. There was more than just sarcasm hidden in there. He watched the way her eyes followed the older woman out of the room.

"So, Bolin," Korra said as she reached for a dumpling. "How're things with Opal?"

A hint of a blush graced his face and he broke out into a wide grin. Mako laughed inwardly at his brother and settled into the chair that Asami had vacated. He mentally filed away his earlier observations. There would be plenty of time to think about them later in the evening. For now, he would simply sit and join in the conversation.

/

Korra awoke with a scream stuck in her throat. Her eyes flew open and her breathing was little more than strangled gasps. Naga immediately rose from her spot at the foot of the bed and nudged Korra's arm with a whimper. She reached for Naga and buried her fingers in the thick fur behind her ears.

"It's okay, girl. I'm okay."

The polar bear dog seemed hesitant to believe her, even after Korra sat up and swung her feet off of the bed. The nightmare faded and was replaced by a numb sensation that spread throughout her legs. Korra hissed and clenched her fists. The poison is gone, she told herself. It's gone. Zaheer is gone.

Korra forced herself to stand. Feeling began to seep back into her legs and she wiggled her toes to test them. She glanced up and caught her moonlit reflection in the mirror next to the wardrobe. She'd avoided looking at herself for months and as she made eye contact with the stranger staring back at her, she remembered why. No scars marred her dark skin. No hideous disfigurement. The healers had seen to that. Katara herself had examined every inch of her to ensure her body was in perfect working order. Yet that did not mean that she was back to her old self. Months of being sedentary left their mark. Limbs that were once solid and lined with muscle had lost much of their definition. The body that once obeyed every command and glowed with strength and athleticism had betrayed and imprisoned her. It was her body that had let her down.

Korra tore her eyes away from the mirror and turned to look out her window. The full moon washed the island in its delicate light and every star in the sky taunted her. It was as if they knew she failed. She was weak. Her previous incarnations would have been bowing their heads in shame - or so she imagined. There was no way of knowing since she was no longer able to pull on that string and connect with past Avatars. Oh, yes. Amon would have enjoyed that. He would have loved seeing her brought down off of her pedestal and made equal. Except that she was less than equal. She was a burden. Instead of protecting others and maintaining balance in the world, she was the one being protected and cared for. What kind of Avatar did that make her?

A few minutes passed before Korra straightened her back and shuffled to the door. Naga followed dutifully as she moved barefoot down the hall and out to the courtyard. Korra hesitated when she reached the short set of stairs and leaned on Naga for support. The two of them moved quietly across the carefully manicured grounds and slipped through the hedges, finally coming to a stop at a bare outcropping that overlooked the bay and glimmering lights of Republic City. This had always been her favorite spot to retreat to when she wanted to be alone. It seemed right to come here to do this.

Korra slowly removed her clothes, folding them before setting them off to the side. She glanced at the bay and watched the waves lapping at the rocks below. A grunt reminded her she wasn't alone. Korra turned around and gave her longtime companion a gentle scratch behind her ears. Slowly, she pulled back and pointed down the path they'd taken. "Go, Naga."

The polar bear dog huffed and lowered her ears.

Korra narrowed her eyes at her. "Naga, go," she said as firmly as she could.

The polar bear dog whimpered, but did not move.

"I'm serious. Go back to the temple."

The polar bear dog sat down.

"Naga…"

The polar bear dog defiantly refused to budge.

"Dammit, Naga. Just go!"

"She's smart, that polar bear dog of yours."

The familiar voice shot through Korra like an arrow. She whirled around, somehow managing to remain standing on her unsteady feet. "Master Katara!"

The old woman walked forward and gave Naga a good scratch. "Hello, Naga. Yes, you're such a good girl, aren't you?"

"What are you doing out here? It's almost midnight."

Katara finally turned her attention towards Korra. "I might ask the same of you," she said. "But I think we already know the answer to that."

Her words rang in Korra's ears and awareness washed over her. A breeze swept up from the bay, carrying with it cold and the scent of salty water. The chilly air slapped her skin and she was quickly covered in goosebumps. Katara picked up the her clothes and held them out to her. Korra wordlessly took them and got dressed. When she finished, Katara took a seat on the ground and patted the spot next to her.

"Indulge an old woman," she said.

Korra reluctantly sat down next to Katara. She refused to meet her gaze and contemplated the dead grass that tickled her feet. "I'm sorry," she whispered after a few moments. "I'm so sorry. I'm too weak for this."

Katara shook her head. "There are many words that can be used to describe you, Korra. Weak is not one of them."

Korra did not try to stop the tears that ran down her face. "But that's exactly what I am, Katara. The nightmares keep coming. I can't go into town because I can't stand the crowds. I want to be left alone, but I hate feeling lonely. Everything is wrong. Nothing makes sense any more. Not even…" she trailed off and gestured hopefully at her body. "Not even this. I'm weak. I'm broken."

"That's nonsense."

"You don't know that," Korra muttered angrily.

"Don't I?" Katara took her hand and held it tightly. She blinked away tears of her own. "Bumi was not my firstborn."

"You had four children?" Korra asked.

The waterbending master nodded slowly. "Aang and I married when we were very young, but we knew we wanted children right away. We spent the first few years trying. It took three years. I knew instantly when I finally did become pregnant. After several months, I realized I knew that we were going to have a little boy. An airbender." Katara paused and smiled sadly. "Aang was so happy when I told him. I had never seen him that happy before."

"So what happened?"

Katara sighed. "He died. The baby, I mean. He tried to come into this world too early and he wasn't ready for it. He died only a week after he was born. These things happen and I knew that. It was foolish of me to think that it wouldn't happen to me. To us. It hurt to loose him. It hurt so much. Even so, I knew life would go on. But Aang… Aang took it very hard."

Korra shifted so she could face Katara. "And so you felt…"

"I felt like I had let him down. I couldn't give him the family he so desperately wanted. And I felt like it was my fault. That perhaps I was too weak." Katara gripped Korra's hands. "It took a long time before I felt whole again. It wasn't until Bumi was born that I remembered what it felt like to be needed. It was like being given a fresh start."

Korra looked down at their joined hands. Withered fingers spotted with age clung to her small hands and wrists. "Did you have dreams about it? Do you still have dreams?" she asked.

The old woman let out a choked sob and Korra let her pull her into crushing hug.

"You are not weak and you are not broken," said Katara. "Suyin and the healers worked quickly enough to prevent the mercury from doing permanent harm. Your muscles and bones have been healed - I saw to that. Your body will become strong again. This much I can promise you. Yet there are some wounds I cannot heal. Unseen wounds. Some will heal more quickly than others, and some may never heal at all. Those that do not heal are the most dangerous. They will fester if you let them, but you cannot allow that happen. And even if they never heal, you can overcome them. When you do overcome them - and you will - you will emerge stronger than ever."

Korra buried her face into Katara's shoulder and cried.

/

Korra found it easy to meditate the next day. She woke up before any of the acolytes emerged to take care of morning chores. Taking advantage of the solitude, Korra grabbed a zafu and went down to the meditation pavilion. She found a spot that received good deal of morning sunlight and sat down. She folded her legs into a half lotus position and slipped away into the spirit realm for the first time since she went looking for Zaheer.

That was how Tenzin found Korra when he arrived at the pavilion. He swallowed his surprise and turned to the small group of airbender novices behind him. "I think we should leave Avatar Korra to her meditation, don't you?" The airbenders nodded and quietly shuffled away. Tenzin stroked his beard and had a second thought. "Opal?"

The young girl split away from the group and walked towards him. "Yes, Master Tenzin?"

"Would you stay behind with Korra? She may need help returning to her room when she's done."

Opal smiled, "Absolutely." She hopped up onto the pavilion and sat down near Korra. Not so close that it would be considered intrusive, but not so far away as to be awkward.

Tenzin nodded his approval and disappeared down the walkway in a swirl of saffron robes. Opal watched Korra's face for any signs of trouble even though she knew there wasn't much of a point in it. Indeed, the Avatar's face remained impassive until the long morning shadows receded and both of them were hidden under the pavilion's midday shadow. When she did open her eyes, Opal found a brightness she once feared she'd never see again.

"A fresh start…" Korra murmured.

"What was that?" Opal asked.

Korra blinked as if she didn't know where she was. She slowly regained her focus and noticed she was no longer alone. "Oh, hey there, Opal. What time is it?"

"Hey. It's almost noon."

Korra stretched and realized she was still in her sleepwear. "Well, I guess I'd better get out of this and into some real clothes."

"Do you need any help?" Opal asked as Korra carefully rose to her feet.

"Nah. I'll be okay," said Korra. A strong wind blew across the pavilion and she was suddenly blinded by her own loose hair. She sputtered for a moment and brushed it out of her face, then stopped as an idea popped into her head. "Actually," she began, "how good are you with scissors?"

"Sorry?"

"You know. For hair."

Opal fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. "Alright, I suppose. I mean, mom usually hired someone to cut hair. But I can probably do it if it's not too fancy."

"Excellent. Opal, we're gonna need a pair of scissors."

/

The afternoon sun was falling low on the horizon by the time Asami reached the island. She pulled her coat more tightly around her and jogged up the stairs, eager to let the movement help keep her warm. The strategy worked so well that she had actually broken a sweat by the time she reached the covered walkway that led to the sleeping quarters.

Opal appeared then, holding a large basket of squash and other winter vegetables. "Hello, Asami. Are you here to see Korra?"

"Yes." A funny feeling shot through her. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

Opal laughed. "Oh, everything is more than okay. Go see for yourself. She's in the training yard behind the temple."

Asami looked at her in disbelief. "She's what?"

"Training yard. Behind the temple. She's been there all day." Opal gave her a knowing look. "You should go find her. I know she'll be happy to see you."

"Thanks," said Asami.

Without waiting to hear Opal's response, the engineer took off. She covered the paved walkway with long strides and was nearly at a full run by the time she reached the training yard. What she found made her stop in her tracks.

Korra was waterbending.

Asami stared at Korra and struggled to catch her breath. Korra was barefoot and wore no more than a loose pair of pants and a sleeveless shirt. Asami recognized them as clothes that Korra often wore when they would spar, but now they seemed too large for the young Avatar. It didn't seem to bother Korra very much. She was so focused that Asami doubted anything could distract her. She watched Korra move through a waterbending form, somehow appearing to be every bit as strong as she had been before her encounter with Zaheer. Yet she moved… differently.

Asami's eyes followed Korra. There was less reliance on raw power. It had been replaced with a new level of grace. Grace and control. There was such smoothness and fluidity to her movement that it was difficult to tell where one move ended and the next began. It was beautiful.

Without hesitation, Korra moved on to the next form as soon as she completed the first one. If Asami hadn't already been familiar with how each form began and ended, she would've been under the illusion that she was watching one very long form. Korra went on through another two forms before finally coming back to the original ready position and returning the water to a pair of large clay jugs at the edge of the training yard. That was when she saw Asami. A large smile spread across Korra's face and the engineer's heart almost stopped.

Asami took the smile as an invitation and stepped into the training yard. "You looked amazing," she said. "I've never seen you waterbend like that."

"Thanks. But that was exhausting." Korra sighed and ran her hands through her hair - hair that now barely brushed her shoulders.

"Your hair!"

"I know," she said. "New hair for a new me. A fresh start. What do you think?"

Asami took in the sight before her. Korra's clothes hung too loosely on her slender body and sweat streaked down her face and neck. Her thick hair looked untamed, giving her a hint of wildness. Asami reached out to tuck a piece of Korra's hair back behind her ear.

"I think it's great."

**Author's Note:**

> AUTHOR'S NOTE #1: I like the idea of winter being a time of healing for Korra. Her affinity with fire reflects her brashness and short temper, but she's still a Water Tribe gal at heart. I think we're going to see more waterbending and airbending out of her as she continues to mature and grow.
> 
> AUTHOR'S NOTE #2: Depression and its foul friends are serious business, people. If you are dealing with depression, anxiety, or any other issue, please get help. Find someone to talk to. If you feel like you have no where to go and no one to turn to, there are tons of free 24/7 hotlines run by people who care. It took me a long time to figure that out, but once I did, things got a whole heck of a lot better. So as someone who's been there, done that, and got the T-shirt, trust me when I say that getting help is worth it.


End file.
